A life with breathless moments
by awastedream
Summary: Season 4 AU - Their meeting were as if it's destiny that was written in stars and stone. A love greater than them could stay alive and strong though with years of longing and secrets between them. After the fated meeting Lois and Clark couldn't fight with their longing for each other, destiny to love each other till a shadow of past made them apart. Can they find their way to back


First of all; I'm very sorry about the grammar mistakes! I couldn't ask my beta help me with this one yet - I hope for once I can I will edit this and will be more enjoyable read for whoever decide to give this a try.

"You're not alone." A voice said quietly and carefully, full of kindness she wasn't used to that also were blinded by sadness. A voice that belongs to someone she wasn't knew - no a completely stranger that she only knew in name and from stories she has heard from her beloved cousin. She didn't turned her face to met with him. She had tears on her eyes to hide - hide from the world - from any eyes to see. And Lois knew it was the moment her life has changed.

Lois wake up with a difference - a single tear running through her cheek. And in ages, in forever she has wake up with an unfamiliar peace - it has been very long, too long since her dreams wasn't about hunting her, destroying her, crushing her, for once she felt like the old Lois. Young and hopeful, though the world Black was back then she still were holding on a hope - unlike now.

Now she was just a body that was keep going for the promises she had made and for the people did everything for her. Her breathing was the way she was paying them for things they had done for her.

But now she has imagined a moment in her life, someone that she has even forbidden herself to dream about cause she knew she has no right to - for just a minute the world didn't look as dark as ugly as it used to for her.

She shook her head slowly, try to get ride off effects of her dream. A simple yet the most powerful one she has seen in years. She sighed heavily; she couldn't think of it, of him. He wasn't her to think anymore, wasn't her to dream about.

Now - in this moment he probably was in the arms of another woman, lying with her that his arms around her, hugging her like he once did to her. The image in her head was painful but she had to remember the reality she was living. She had to remember the pain and not let a dream blurry the lines between.

She get out the off her warm bed within seconds and walked towards to her bathroom. The best way to clear her mind was a dead ass cold shower. She needed the cold water run through her body to shake it - make it come alive.

Less than twenty minutes she was standing before her pier glass and looking at herself. Her body was covered with a single small white towel, her long brown hair was wet and waiting for her to dry, a few water drops were falling from her body - wetting the floor.

The woman she was seen the mirror was completely a different one from the young girl she saw in the dream. Not only physically also mentally. For a second she simply wanted to dye her hair back to blonde - just to wish it could bring her dreams back - her innocence back.

All of her friends was telling her over and over it was time to let go of the past, that there was nothing to do about it, not anymore. And she told them over and over again; she did it, she wasn't living in memories longer. God how she wished she could also believe in her lies - not that anyone bought them but she was willing to be the first customer.

The sound of her phone echoed in her bedroom snapping her back from thoughts she was losing herself. She walked towards to her bed to take her from the bed stand.

The name of Perry White was the dose of motivation to go back among livings. She picked up and answered;

"Lane, where are you? You you should've been here two hours ago!" His voice was indeed very angry she could easily see his face red with heat before her eyes - then again when he wasn't mad at her though.

"Chef, the meeting at 10am and it's only 9am and do I even have to remind you that I still haven't decided to what I want to do?" Lois sighed out. Perry White sometimes just couldn't accept 'maybe' as the answer and wait.

She was eyeing her wardrobe while talking with him to decide what to wear. Her eyes immediately catch a simple black turtleneck shirt and one of high belt dress pants. A simple, comfortable look,,,also still suitable for business meetings.

"You know I need you with me, kid. We need to bring the Planet back to its glorious days." His dreamy voice put a soft smile on Lois's lips. No matter how a big name was Perry White that can get any paper he wants work on; the Planet was his home and now his home needed him.

"Perry, you know I'm flattered that you want to take me with you that the trust you're putting in me but — you know why I cannot do this, I've a name here, a life here, in Gotham. I'm doing something, a real thing." Her voice was full of emotions and ghosts she has left behind her. "Metropolis doesn't need me, neither does the Planet."

"But I need you, look, I know, I know that it's hard, the thought of going back scaring you to the point you wanna run to another country in fact but — I'm getting old Lois, real old, I need to go back to my baby and bring her back to life but I cannot do this without my best reporter." Perry White definitely was a man that knew how to play his game, make it _his_ game.

Lois sighed in defeat, the minute Perry come to her office with the this job proposal she knew she couldn't fight back, that it was time to go back, the moment was sign, Metropolis was calling her. "Give me half hour I will be there."

It took less than two weeks for her to move out her apartment; pack her stuff and organize everything else, it was surprisingly how easy you could move out a place but it were taking like ages to make it feel like a home, as an army brat Lois did knew that the best.

Now she was looking at the empty apartment once were like an almost home for her past three years. A place she could hide from all the shadows and sunshine when it was needed. A shiver shook her body, she wasn't ready to go, leave this city and face with the demons hunting her for years.

Many things has been told about Gotham city, mostly ugly words but a safe place probably wasn't even the last thought for the people whose was living in streets but for Lois it was. Gotham was her safe place, in this city her name has a meaning, was holding a power, meant something, and this was giving her the strength she was desperately long for.

She sighed, she was always a fan of challenges and dares, she never has run from a fight even if she knew she could get hurt in the end. She wasn't a runner, she wasn't someone that has left fear control her life — at least not her the whole life.

She took her bag and walked towards to the door and shut her behind, she was walking towards a new beginning, a new start.

A cold wind has welcomed them at the airport that sent a shiver straight to her bones, Perry was right next to her that was talking to someone on the phone — probably the owner of the Planet, Lois has guessed since they were going to meet with them right away.

Perry didn't wanted to lose much of time and get into the business as soon as it's possible not Lois wasn't exactly against the idea, soon she did busied herself with work she would have less time to think about her life and the person she has been forbidden from.

The car ride to the Planet was actually painful for Lois in many ways, she was holding her breathe back that, closer they gotten her heartbeats were getting louder. This absolutely was the worst deal she has been done in years.

Her facade was perfect was its always used to be, no one was able to see through her actual feelings, read her face, it was something she was learning since she was a little girl but in past years she gotten her skills perfected.

Her body was shaking with nerves and the faces of ghosts she has been hiding for years. She did knew Chloe, her once the closest family was still working as a reporter of the Planet as well as Clark gotten into journalism and had a place for himself in the Planet as well.

She did knew, she did knew the minute she has left the town that her reappearance wouldn't be a pleasing surprise for them that wouldn't welcome her with open arms — she just wished, hoped, prayed for they would able to work together.

Lois step in the news room with Perry White obviously the team and reporters and everyone who works in the paper has been aware of return of Perry White to the Planet and were waiting for him.

Lois didn't know if her tagging along was a known fact that Perry made sure others knows she was coming with him too but from the curious eyes and shocked expressions she could tell Perry White hasn't bothered to tell them. 'Great' Lois thought to herself, this sure makes things easier for her.

Perry with his rare smile walked towards to middle of the paper, the heart of the paper, bullpen, making sure all the eyes were set on him and people were listening him.

"I'm not much of a talker, so I won't be taking anyone's time with a long but unnecessary talk — there is just a thing you all should know I've started my career in here, in this room, the Planet is my home and I won't let anyone to shut down this baby." From the tone of his voice Lois could tell this old wolf was getting emotional and he was going to drag everyone's attention on something else than him, someone else, which is it's her in this situation.

"If you're in the Planet, a part of this paper then your a good reporter, I'm not here to doubt on anyone's skills — not yet but I'm sure anyone could understand why I need to bring my star reporter with me to make this baby back to her old days. Lois Lane will be with us for a while. Now everyone go back to work, we got a lot things to do." Perry White dropped the bomb on her hands and walked towards to elevator to go his office.

Lois sighed, she was used to have eyes on her, in fact it was like this since her article about military scandal about solders that has gotten her a pulitzer nomination, then her article about politics of Gotham that gotten her first pulitzer, then her article about Wonder Woman 'Amazon Among Us' that has changed the way people were looking at heroes, and finally her uproar article about Batman 'The Knight In The Shadows' her best work to date cause for once Lois could make people see Batman for whose is he, the savior of Gotham, maybe not the hero but the salvation.

There was awe in the eyes, fear, envy, perhaps some angry which was she all use to see, but then she has saw them pair of eyes that full of disappointment and race to her has powerful enough to break her heart. In the green eyes once were belonged to her family, her ally, her sister was nothing, no feeling at all, as if Lois meant to nothing to her. In the blue-green eyes she has found herself as well as lost, that she hadn't seen anything but love till this moment was sadness, disappointment, and pain, those emotions was all he, Clark Kent was feeling towards to her.

Lois couldn't hold on longer and turned her head to other side, all she wanted was run — run back to airport, go to Gotham and never ever get close to Metropolis again. From the looks of their faces was making things flashback in her head, things that she had worked to forget, to get over, move on from.

A cry, a smile, a small heartbeat, a knife, a needle, lots of blood, and two tombstones.

Pain. Snow. Pain. Wild. Pain. Tears. Pain. Screams. Pain.

"You're not alone." A gentle voice promised.

Six years ago - a while after their first meeting.

Lois has waken up in an unfamiliar bed that with the sounds of rooster and cows; she has been in very interesting places - all thanks to her fathers job but this was definitely a first for her. She was indeed in a farm, in a town named Smallville, her life was definitely interesting.

It was the only word she could find to suit. Since Lois and Clark has decided to that there is strength in the numbers and it would be a better idea to work together to found out what the hell happened to Chloe, Clark Kent the nicely raised farm boy has offered a place in his home.

And Lois gladly accepted it since she has thought anything would be better than sleeping at her car but now after the way she has been waken up rudely she was rethinking her decisions.

She rubbed her eyes slightly and grabbed the first shirt her hands catch, unfortunately for her it was a plaid shirt of farm boy, she shook her head and walked towards to stairs, not really caring - not that she was found of plaids but the way Clark's face has turned whenever he was seeing her in his clothes was giving her a secret pleasure.

"Good morning Mr and Mrs Kent," Lois used her the most polite voice, the Kents were straight has gone into her heart that she never felt as welcomed as she felt in this farm.

She still was feeling awkward around them that not really know where to put her hands whenever she was around, they were such great people that she didn't wanted them to think badly of her because of her damn mouth and disappointment a family has opened their arms as well as home for her.

She just wished she could find what happened to Chloe before her father made a nasty appearance that would get those nice people trouble. Even the thought of her father and what could he cause was making her worried.

She shook her head quickly and put her smile on her face, "Good morning, Lois," Mrs Kent's warm smile has lit up the room. Such a kind voice, a voice definitely was belong to a mother. Lois's eyes tear up, she was forgotten the tone of such voice. This was almost too much.

Mr Kent was sitting on a chair that was holding today's paper but his eyes were more focused on his wife than the paper before eyes. The smell of coffee and pancakes were running through the house. 'What a way to wake up' Lois thought to herself.

Then she saw him, the Clark Kent, golden boy, he was standing right next to his mother, helping her with fixing breakfast. Envy wasn't her nature, she wasn't type of person got jealous over things she didn't had, over things people had, no - she wasn't, never was a fan of wasting time or effort over those useless thoughts.

She remembers she actually got jealous for once, once, that it was two years after her mother had died, there was this little girl the same age as her, they all were playing at a park that Lucy wasn't with her, she was as usual she did was playing with boys cause they were more into football or games that included balls than girls was around her.

She doesn't remember how, she doesn't remember the exact moment but the pain, her arm was broken within a blink, she remembers cries of other children cause it wasn't a pleasant sight for such naive eyes.

She didn't cry herself - no - Lanes didn't cry over things like broken bones, or cuts, or bruises, or over their lost beloveds. She knew the rules since forever and it was one of the few ones she did obey.

All she remembers form that day was a touch of a mother that obviously was worried about her broken arm that has shown care than her father ever did since he has lost the love of his life and buried his soul with hers.

And now since the that day she felt the unfamiliar feeling fill up her heart - it was impossible for her to admit but she - in fact got jealous of this farm boy and the love he was getting, the love this house has been filed with. The longing almost undone her.

"Did you slept well?" The motherly tone towards to Lois was getting too much. Her eyes was shining with life and love.

Lois simply nodded, she wasn't really trusting her voice to speak, she wasn't even trusting the words might come out if she did open it.

"Coffee?" Clark asked. He was looking unbelievably good even with his bed hair and stupid plaid shirts. The unfamiliar kindness was in his eyes as well a the rest of his family.

Lois knew Clark wasn't really found of her guts or the way of her handling things; probably because she was more of her usual self with him than the older Kents that he was seeing more sides of her and that he find her unbearably annoying not that she cared what 'yes pa' 'yes ma' boy thought of her though.

"Yes, please." Lois answered and kept her polite voice on.

Clark handed her an empty cap and directed towards the maker with his eyes. A smirk on his face.

'Childish' she thought to herself, 'real childish' but she was going to give him credit for putting such show in fort of his parents and that with them around Lois wouldn't be speaking back. Not now - she was just a stranger, a guest for a few days.

She just smiled to him, one of smiles that has told people she would get them back but of course this innocent boy hasn't know what he is gotten himself into.

"Thanks, _Smallville_ ," her voice was sweet but Clark Kent wasn't fool enough by to buy this sweetness tone of hers.

Clark glanced at the name she used for him, now that, after a few days with her, he has been aware that she did indeed love coming with the most ridiculous nicknames but this one was far the worst one she has chosen for him, just second to Clarkie, but probably anything would beat this one.

Lois took the cap from his hands, and the small hand touch made some sparks fly between them, which has been quickly ignored by both of them. As soon as she took it she step away from him, as if he was a sick person.

She needed that damn caffeine so much, caffeine needed to be run through her blood before her body and brain start to imagine things they shouldn't have.

Even the smell of the coffee made her better, as soon as the strong taste of black coffee hit her mouth and tongue; she knew everything was much better and she was in her senses. She finally snap of the mood she was in she was wake up.

The breakfast went without them talking much of, Mr Kent has asked them what they were planning to do for the day and Clark, of course as the perfect son has admit his daddy that they were planing to visit Luthor Mansion, Lex Luthor to ask more questions about Chloe since they both was feeling like there was, he knew more than he was saying.

Mr and Mrs Kent told them to be careful, it was obvious to Lois that neither of them actually was approved them to digging this but since they also did care about Chloe they wasn't going strongly against. And maybe for some reasons that they didn't want to fight about it and when Lois remembers the way she had found him and how she had hear he did run away from home - which was something she couldn't tell why because it looked like he had the perfect american life here, with his family - but what people say don't judge the book with its cover.

They took her car since Lois wouldn't let anyone driver her car and the truck was needed by Mr Kent. After what it felt like days of ride with Clark's complains about her driving skills they were at the Luthor Mansion.

Though Lois did see Lex Luthor a few times since she had come to town, and that she grow up around people like Luthors; power hungry men that feeling like the control of everything should be under their hands.

"Clark," he has greeted his old friend with a nice tone, a smile on his lips that hard to tell if it was sincere or fake one, then his eyes slide towards to the plus next to Clark.

"Miss Lane." His voice wasn't as kind and the look in his eyes told her enough to make her understand her existence here wasn't welcoming.

She wasn't sure if it was because of what was he hiding or that when they first met she was very close to punch him on the face if Clark wasn't stopping her. Form the first minute Lois could tell he was lying to her, to them about Chloe and she couldn't take more of being lied right into her face.

"Mr Luthor." Unlike him Lois hasn't even bothered but the fake gentleness or kindness, her voice was holding every bit of disbelief she was feeling.

"May I ask the reason of this sudden visit of yours?" The question was applied to both of them but Lex's eyes were guided to Lois, watching her moves.

"Chloe," Clark speak up after a long pregnant silence went by Lex and Lois sending glances to each other and Clark thinking how he was going to broke this ice cold atmosphere going.

Lex's eyes finally left Lois's and his head moved towards to center of the sound. "What about her?" His eyes, his voice, his face as giving them nothing; he was good, possibly way too good that Lois hate to admit but didn't exactly had ideas how to broke him in his game cause yes it - this was his game.

"I - we need your help," Lois step up, she could feel the heavy eyes of Clark on her since it wasn't what they talked about, what they planned.

For a brief moment Lex let out a surprised expression but he had covered it up very quickly. "You do, huh?" His voice was holding an obvious sarcasms.

"Yes." Lois didn't take her eyes off him, watching him, wanting to make him feel weight of her eyes.

"Miss Lane," Lex sighed out heavily, his voice tone turned into incredibly soft that almost kind. "There is nothing to do help you about her - I'm sure it's hard to accept to lose of a precious family but I'm afraid Chloe is gone. She is dead."

Both Clark and Lois has sniffed towards to the words that has left Lex's mouth bluntly. 'she is dead' though she knew, her heart knew it wasn't truth, not since Clark Kent has given her the hope of the possibility, hearing those words still had power to hurt.

"Then help me to find her body, to put that goddamn coffin something of hers, a part of hers," saying those words out and loud was unbelievably hard but to get a reaction of him she would get even far.

"I can't - we can't." He turned towards to Clark again, drawing his attention to him since he felt like his talk with Lois were going nowhere. "Clark, I would get to do something if there was but - there is nothing left of hers."

Clark step closer to Lois, he could see she was about to lose her temper and might attack on Lex again, he gently put his hands on her shoulders, making her feel his comfort, telling her she wasn't alone, a way to tell her; he is here. "Let's go, Lois," Clark's voice was so soft that Lois couldn't help but drawn towards to him.

Though she still couldn't take her eyes off Lex; she knew, with all of her belongings she knew that he was something wrong with him, even if he wasn't cause of this, he obviously knew more than them.

"Please," Lois asked, her voice was even stranger to her own ears. "Tell us."

Lex tried very hard to hide the pleasure he has felt hearing such desperate voice coming from a strong, prideful woman like Lois Lane, but the frown he has seen Clark's eyes was telling him; he wasn't doing a good job with it. "I'm sorry Miss Lane but she's dead."

"You son-" before her fist met with Lex's face Clark got between them and dragged Lois away from him, he didn't knew her well enough but no words would make her calm down at this point - he knew that much at least.

"I'm sorry Lex," Clark's voice was anything but hinted any kind of apology, Clark Kent's eyes were kind as they were always but his voice was telling him enough of what Lois might wanted to do was out of the line but it was obvious Lex has pushed her to that, her limits.

Once they were out the sight of Lex, out the mansion Lois shake off the remaining hand on her shoulders. "Why did you even stopped me?" Her angry was setting her eyes on fire and though with his powers Clark has no doubt he could get burned if he wasn't careful.

"He's lying to right into our faces, he is a lying asshole." Her voice was getting higher and higher that for a moment he thought if Lex could hear her angry screams.

"I know," Clark said as clam as he could be in the moment, somehow her angry, her fire was getting him to, making him feel the pain and hurt. "But punching him won't help us or neither Chloe."

The impact of the name of Chloe was clearly showing off but not yet fully. "Well yeah - but it would make it easier for me." She wasn't backing off, she turned her back, flipped her long hair into his face and walked towards to her car.

"This girl," Clark thought to himself.

Everything after that moment went within a blink of an eye; the General dramatic appearance at the Kent farm, dragging Lois with him, almost threading his own daughter not to go after her cousin, them finding hints of where Chloe might be holding, them saving her.

Save and sound, a perfect team work, maybe this small town farm boy was getting her nerves but she had to admit they were a good team, working together well enough. Maybe after all her little time in this town wasn't that bad after all. Now it was time to say goodbye, she couldn't help but felt a pity in her heart.

Not that she would miss _him_ , but this family that has welcomed her in their house, share their food and life with them - though it was like two weeks. After such a long time, after years and years, for the first time, she felt like how a family should be like.

"Nice arm," Lois called out from the behind him, watching him easily scoring, the way he using the ball. He was good, he got the talent, not that she was the professor but she got enough of experience to have one or two idea about it. "When is your game?" She asked, this farm boy wasn't as nerdy as he looked after all.

"I'm not in the team," Clark said, his voice is full of regret and longing, a longing for something he wanted badly but couldn't have.

"Why?" She was sincerely surprised that he wasn't in it when he was obviously talented.

"No one of your business," Clark didn't mean to his voice come out as harshly as it did sound but he wasn't going to feel sorry about it since what he said was truth that it wasn't any of her business to butt in.

If Lois were offended, her face wasn't showing any of sign of it, she still kept that smirk of hers was getting on his nerves whenever he was seeing. The cocky aura her was something he wasn't used to - not even from Lex Luthor and he thought that alone was speaking enough of words.

"Hey, no need to cut my head for just asking a simple, very innocent question, Smallville." Her smirk grown ever wider, she absolutely did love getting those reactions of him.

Clark shook his head incredulously, she was inconceivable, it was inconceivable, what was about her that getting under his skin, bring out of him that no one has ever done. Clark sighed heavily, it was a good thing she was leaving today that now Chloe was alive and safe and sound; there wasn't any reason for her to stay in this town she kept complaining about.

"What are you doing here, Lois?" Clark simply choose to ignore her annoying questions and focus on the important information. "Weren't you leaving today?" Clark hasn't even bothered to hide the smile bought on his lips when he thought about him getting his own room, bed, and days back then were filled with comfortable silence.

"Try to keep happy tears at an obey, farmer John," Lois laughed out softly, "and don't worry I am, in fact I will be in a few hours, I just want to thank Mr and Mrs Kent for great host ship." Lois shrugged slightly.

Clark had to admit that he wasn't expecting such thoughtful behavior from Lois. Yes, she was always in her best act around his parents but still he didn't see this coming from her.

"I see, well, they're at the home," Clark pointed out the yellow house and turned his back to her. He did knew he was being awfully childish but from the moment he had met with her; she was giving him hard time, so could anyone actually blame him?

"Yeah, I know," she slowly took a few small steps towards to him. "I've talked with them, they're really great you know Smallville," Lois didn't exactly where this honestly were coming from but when her brain went through past a few days and how the General, her father handle her and everything else, made her wish for impossible things like; a dad, not a father.

Clark's eyes found hers slowly, but surely, he always knew, always that he was lucky for his parents; he has seen that from Lex as well as now from Lois, but the longing in her voice was strange in his ears. This girl - this woman before his eyes was the most mysterious being he has ever seen that he wasn't sure if anyone could solve her.

"Yup, they're the best," Clark obviously didn't wanted to tell more of how great are his parents as if he was showing off with them.

She punched him on the arm playfully, a smile on her lips that were shining with her lip glow. "Now it's my call to go; see you around, Smallville."

She turned her back towards to him, filled her hair to air, making them fly through his eyes, and walked to her car that she stopped before his loft, she opened the driver door and got into it. In a few blink of eye, she was driving away from the Kent farm, from Smallville; the only thing left from her was the wind her car caused and unnamed ache in his heart.

Second; have fun!

This idea has been bugged me for a while that I couldn't stop thinking about it till I did start to write; I got inspired by Meant to Live by DanaButterfly. There might be some similar things from the fic but overall it's a very different one just saying in the case if anyone stops the similarity.


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